About Me

Family mediation is the only mediation I am dedicated to.
Separation, Reconciliation, Divorce, Parent - Teen, these are all family mediation situations. I am located in Arlington, Virginia and serve Northern Virginia, Maryland and Washington D.C..

Unlike other mediators - who will mediated your employment problems, your neighbor's barking dog, or even some federal dispute between Agency A and Agency B, I specialize in only one mediation - Family mediation. Understanding what families are facing in life changing times is different than any other mediated circumstances. Mediators who try to "do it all" with family mediation as just another one in their bag of tricks, try to make all mediation "fit" their model - well it just doesn't work that way.........

Comedian Groucho Marx once quipped, "Those are my principles. If you don't like them, I have others." In the sphere of conflict resolution, you may have experienced "professionals" where that seems to be their motto too. You and I have principles. We also have opinions. I have opinions about what I think is right or wrong or good or bad, but they're only my opinions - I could be wrong! Therefore I don't try to serve my clients around my opinions, but rather endeavor to stand by my principles.

My Principles

Honesty.... This doesn't mean just being an honest person - it means being honest with you. Some will tell you anything you want to hear. I believe that not only is it dishonest, but it is a huge disservice. Family mediation, many times is needed at a time where your life is being redefined. Old behaviors and beliefs may not have been working, and changes should be made. Hearing the hard truth can be difficult, but you can't benefit from hearing the old lies. It may be uncomfortable but I am going to share with you what I see.

Compassionate .... Truthful doesn't mean hurtful. Though a separation or divorce can be the most stressful and painful event in anyone's life, I believe that with help and support you can navigate those processes successfully. Family mediation is not a business negotiation. Family mediation is an emotional and developmental process - nothing like a business transaction. Compassion requires taking the time to understand not only what you want, but how you feel, how you got here, and where will you end up. I believe in taking that time to allow you to be completely understood and accept how you feel..

Results .... Some mediators worry more about the "process" than they do about he results. Of course process is important because it protects valuable components, such as confidentiality and self-determination, but it should not be the "tail that wags the dog". I believe, with family mediation, 'results' is the most important objective. Unlike any other type of mediation, failure may not an option, especially if children are involved. The relationships existing now, and the relationships in the future with other family members, depends on finding and implementing a successful solution.

Value .... Mediation, Parenting Coordination and problem resolving should be services that provide value. They should not be just a" running time clock". It is my belief that if the client doesn't find value in the services I provide, then I am not doing my job and they should not have to pay for it. By the end of every session we explore whether they are receiving value and benefiting from our work. If not, then I don't ask them to pay. I maintain that it is not a matter of just putting in "the time", but rather producing results. Anyone can"put in the time", but it takes professional dedication, skill, competence and belief in myself to bring fruit to the process.

Family Mediation

Family mediation attempts to help relatives work together in order to find the best solution for everyone. Family mediation is a collaborative process and takes place in a relaxed, informal setting. The mediation is conducted by a family mediator who possesses special qualifications and who has experience working with families and children.

Examples of Family Mediation

1. Adult children handling unresolved issues with their parents.
2. Parents seeking solutions for cooperation with teens that seem unmanageable.
3. Parents wanting to improve the dynamics and interactions of family, either child to child or child to parent.
4. Families that are challenged with members that require extraordinary support.
5. Adult children stuggling with elder parent concerns
6. Family members in business experiencing conflict.
7. Couples with disputes that does not require therapy.

During the mediation, the parties have an opportunity to voice their needs and concerns and find creative solutions that support the interests of all of the parties. These solutions are often unique and may not be available to the parties through traditional therapeutic or legal processes. Good communication is crucial and the mediation helps to build new patterns to replace old entrenched positions that have been established through protracted feuding.

To learn about how I approach families in crisis, please call or email me. I am interested in discussing your family's situation.

703 241-1243

Structured Separation

Most couples in troubled marriages allow their relationships to disintegrate for years before seeking help.

Many couples reach the place where their marriage is not working. It could be that the relationship is not pleasurable or the marriage has been sweep to a place of contempt, fault finding and blame. The ultimate goal of a Structured Separation is to save the marriage by working with a mediator as kind of a crisis intervention in putting together a separation agreement with specific guidelines designed to confront the issue of the failing marriage. The Structured Separation allows couples who are experiencing extreme marital problems to live separately and, at the same time negotiate and work toward finding solutions to the marital problems as an alternative to rushing to divorce.

Marriage therapists may call the Structured Separation various other names - controlled separation, therapeutic separation, trial separation, healing separation, but all have one thing in common - a well documented reconciliation plan.

Divorce Mediation

Mediation does not require that you trust, believe, agree, or frankly, even like your spouse.

The reality is - few divorces are peaceful, in fact most are contentious. Few spouses going through a divorce trust, believe or even like the other spouse - and that is all normal. But just because you disagree, dislike, and believe it is impossible to get your spouse to do what is right, it doesn't mean you have to go to Court. Divorce Mediation is a much better alternative.

There is plenty on the Internet selling the virtues of mediation and explaining why it works and what it is all about. If you are already here on this website, you probably know pretty much what mediation is. There is no need for me to repeat all of that here.

If you want to know more about how I approach divorce mediation, please visit my Divorce Mediation website or feel free to call me at the number below.

703 241-1243

Parenting Plan Creation

UNDER CONSTRUCTION

Hosne igitur laudas et hanc eorum, inquam, sententiam sequi nos censes oportere? Tamen a proposito, inquam, aberramus. Duarum enim vitarum nobis erunt instituta capienda. Id est enim, de quo quaerimus. Nam de isto magna dissensio est. Nec tamen ullo modo summum pecudis bonum et hominis idem mihi videri potest.

1. Stoici autem, quod finem bonorum in una virtute ponunt, similes sunt illorum;
2. Rationis enim perfectio est virtus;
3. Iam quae corporis sunt, ea nec auctoritatem cum animi partibus, comparandam et cognitionem habent faciliorem.
4. Tum Piso: Quoniam igitur aliquid omnes, quid Lucius noster?
5. Non igitur bene.

Nunc omni virtuti vitium contrario nomine opponitur.

Quid est enim aliud esse versutum? Eaedem res maneant alio modo. Tria genera bonorum; Nam si amitti vita beata potest, beata esse non potest. Proclivi currit oratio. Est enim tanti philosophi tamque nobilis audacter sua decreta defendere. Gloriosa ostentatio in constituendo summo bono. Nam, ut sint illa vendibiliora, haec uberiora certe sunt. Scio enim esse quosdam, qui quavis lingua philosophari possint;

Quid ergo attinet dicere: Nihil haberem, quod reprehenderem, si finitas cupiditates haberent?

Parenting Coordination

Both parents are zealously convinced they are fighting for the children "best interest". But in an atmosphere of constant conflict, neither parent recognizes the children are being pulled apart.

Fundamentally, the parenting coordinators goal is to minimize the conflict the children are exposed to by disengaging the parents.

What is Parenting Coordination
Parenting Coordination is not therapy. Rather the process focuses on reducing conflict the parents create and the children are exposed to.

Why a Parenting Coordinator
Parents rarely move from conflictual to cooperative behavior - without first going through a step of disengagement.

When a Parenting Coordinator
Half of all divorcing couples
in moderate to high conflict will still be clashing three to four years later.

Who is a Parenting Coordinator
Not an authority in just one, a parenting coordinator possesses realistic insight, experience and knowledge in several disciplines.

Pre-Mediation Coaching

Family Mediation is much more than a legal process

In reality, the legal aspect usually plays a very small part. It is a well defined, fairly predictable and an organized system. In family mediation, the legal context is the shadow in the medaition.

Preparing for the Emotional, Psychological, Financial, and Family Restructuring are the most important pieces to the Mediation Process.

Separation, divorce and family conflict are stressful and mediation can seem overwhelming and intimidating. With the proper preparation, you can take control and resolve your issues with minimal conflict.

Divorce Pre-Mediation Coaching
Using a structured model, pre-mediation coaching works as a synergistic process with individuals to help them identify and work toward preparing for their goals.

Mediation Partner and Advisor
This workshop still being created

Parenting and Custody Planning
This workshop still being created.

Mediation Partner and Advisor

This section still under construction

Non-Attorney Advocacy
in Family Mediation

In 2009, the Fordham Urban Law Journal published a report 'Representation in Mediation: What We Know From Empirical Research'

One finding in the study was that charging parties were less likely to settle when they are represented by a lawyer than other types of non-lawyer representatives and for the responding parties the pattern varied depending on the type of non-lawyer representative.

Mediation is not about legal justice. In family mediation, the law is merely a baseline for a discussion to take place in it's shadow. In mediation, perceptions are more important than all the realities.

Clearly, lawyers are an esscential part of any dispute resolution. Lawyers are needed to provide their clients with legal information, possible litigation outcomes, and final document review, advice and preparation.

However, the effect of the presence of lawyers in the mediation process and outcomes has been debated. Some believing that lawyers dominating the mediation limits the parties ability to communicate and problem solve. They believe that it may discourage creativity and self-determination, and make the process more contentious, to just name a few of the concerns.

Non-attorney advocacy extensively prepare the client for the mediation; educating them on the mediation processes, the advantages and the disadvantages. Non-attorney advocacy focus on goals and objectivitves instead of the legal perspectives. Helping the client to effectively share their undersandings, desires, and emotions that bring about accurate realistic expectations while assisting in searching for win-win solutions.

Contact Me

703 241-1243

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